I recently just saw the movie, "Me Before You" with my sister and her friend at the dine in movie theater in Menlo Park Mall (totally recommend it). I read the book and loved it. It was one of the fastest books I ever read. (It literally took me a week and a half). My sister and I loved it so much and marked down the day the movie came out in new excitement. So we went, and I had mixed emotions. I really loved it because it was such a great representation of the book, but it was almost too much like the book. There were a lot of details though that I thought were important that were not included SPOIL ALERT: When Clark's mom basically threatens to disown her if she goes to Switzerland. That is such a good moment because it shows how much Lou was willing to give up for Will. Also, when Louisa breaks up with Patrick. WTF THAT IS SUPER IMPORTANT. The thing that was perfect though, was the ending. It was exactly like I imagined it would be in the book, but better and with way more closer.
Overall, the movie was pretty good and if you didn't read the book prior, it'll be even better. But seriously, read the book.
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Okay, I have a confession. I. Do. Not. Know. How. To. Cook. I've posted recipes on this blog, but it's all very easy and store bought stuff. After a minor stove & Fire incident, (while making tea) I tend to not even attempt actually cooking. Last week my good friend, Ming, and I were trying to think of things we could do and then I told her I couldn't cook. She immediately found a recipe that involved a stove (which made me slightly nervous) and we started cooking. (BTW: her house is adorable). The recipe was, , which she found on Blue Apron. First, we cut up vegetables and then we made the rice (don't forget to put in the vinegar or else it will taste bland.). (Fun fact: up until now I actually didn't believe that onions made you cry. That's how much of a cooking-virgin I am). Then we made salsa, but I wasn't really into it (it involved peaches). Then we cooked the pork chops. I was most nervous about that, but it was really fun (even though the smoke made the fire alarms go off). I flipped those chops like a pro by the time we wear done! (EW I can't believe I just said that). I suggest seasoning them with not just salt and pepper but something fun like a little chili powder or burger seasoning. To give the rice a little more flavor, we added a little salt and a lot of lemon. I never realized how much more satisfying food taste when you cook it yourself. This recipe tasted really awesome and it was pretty healthy. I would definitely recommend it! Thanks Ming for teaching me how to cook and giving me a great day!!! Click here for the recipe if you would like to try it yourself!
As my avid blog readers know, (Hey mom and Jade!), I struggled with losing weight for my whole life and only started to get in healthy shape about a year ago. (Note: I'm not saying "losing weight=healthy", I'm just saying that I was overweight and very unhealthy, and as I got healthy I lost weight). For the past few summers, I have actually wore the same polka dot tankini and swim shorts, because I was too self conscious to wear anything else. So this spring, my mom brought it up to me that we could go bikini shopping for summer. It was immediately a scary thought. The thought made me feel so vulnerable. I scrolled through them online and thought "Can't wear this one, can't this one. ugh i'd look terrible in that one". It was such a weird thought to see myself in a bathing suit that I was looking at a model wear. As I hesitantly tried them on though, I grew more and more excited. I realized that if I wore them with confidence, I would gradually feel confident in them. And that's what happened! I danced around my room in my favorite one that I ordered and I self empowered and excited. I never wore a bikini in my life so this is all new, so it was normal to feel uneasy. I wore it for the first time this Memorial Day and self consciously crossed my arms over my stomach for a little bit. Eventually it felt fun to feel free and like I was just a normal teenage girl in a bathing suit. (I did have to do some sit ups right before to give me a little extra courage). I'm still working on my beach body, but I've come to realize that this all wasn't about the bathing suit itself, it was my demeanor while wearing it.
So remember, it is not about what you wear, it's how you wear it.☀️ I started getting panic attacks when I was in seventh grade. It was during a social studies test because I looked at the paper and didn't understand a single thing. The words started to blur and I realized I was hyperventilating. I asked my teacher if I could go take a walk and she completely understood. I took a walk, my breathing became steady, and then, I kid you not, proceeded to throw up in a random classes trash can. I know how to deal with them a little better now (I know how to keep it down lol). They are not as common as they used to be, and the last one I had was in the summer I think. On Thursday I had two. I had one in chorus, because I just had come from math which didn't go well, and I was stressing out because I was very confused. I had my science test next period and I was also stressing out about that. I probably should've went to the bathroom but instead I stayed in their and waited for it to pass, (it wasn't one of my worse ones). Then I had science. The test was so hard and I didn't even know what the questions were asking me. (Note: I study a lot, like, a lot). Towards the end of the test, I felt like a couldn't breath and started to cry, so I went up to my teacher when I was done with my test and asked to go to the bathroom. She claimed, that it was "school rules" that I couldn't leave the room during an exam even though my test was already IN HER HANDS. I stressed to her (crying) that I didn't feel good, but she still refused. By now I wasn't just upset, I was angry and my stomach started to churn. What a lot of people don't understand, is that I feel physically ill when I have a panic attack. So in the last 2 minutes of class she came up to me and said "if you're feeling that sick, I can call a teacher to escort you to the bathroom". (NO OTHER TEACHER DOES THIS IN MY SCHOOL). I said no, there was no point (no one would even get their in time). So in my next class I asked for pass to the nurse and I just broke down. The nurse was so good about it though; she let me call my mom, got me water, let me lay down, helped me steady my breathing, and made sure that I knew I could stay as long as I needed and could come back at any time. I'm so thankful that she understood how to handle this, and my panic attack passed quickly. To the other teacher that didn't know how to handle this, I do not understand how you can watch a kid struggling and make their situation ten times worse.
Finals week is over! Let's hope the panic attacks are too! Even I was brought to tears during my third period class. Well hello my little chickies. I'm just going to let you know that this post may or may not get hella emotional. Sorry, I'll be funny another day, I promise.
So in my chorus class, my teacher/conductor has picked out a balance of beautiful and energetic songs for us to sing. Our latest one is especially beautiful sounding. It is called Goodnight Dear Heart. My teacher educated us on the meaning of the song, and I don't think there was a dry eye in the room: The music was inspired by an event that happened in a young couple's life, when they were in the midst of adopting a little girl from Ethiopia. On the way to America, she unfortunately got very sick and passed away. The potential father-to-be's brother found a poem that seemed to fit their situation, and wrote music for it. It was a poem that Mark Twain wrote for his daughter's grave stone when she unexpectedly died at the age of 24. My teacher really wanted us to connect it to someone who has died in our life, and when we sang the line "Green sod above lie light" I started to get choked up. When the class discussed the meaning of the song, and someone described it as "the first and last lullaby to their daughter", I cried. Connecting the song with my own life made it impossible for me to get a word out, and I couldn't help crying. A lot of emotions that I hadn't felt in a very long time all hit me at once and it was overwhelming. Old memories all started flooding back to my brain. I wasn't the only one tearing up (or downright crying); most of the class was. Even though it was a lot for me to take in (and I actually wanted to go home), I know that this is what music is supposed to do. If it doesn't make you feel something, than it's not working. Let's hope I keep it together for the musicale. Thanks for listening. I love burritos as much as the next girl, but they're pretty heavy and sometimes aren't the healthiest for you. That's why I put together a recipe that is a tad on the leaner side. First, I hand shredded a grilled chicken cutlet. Then I heated up some Spanish style rice, black beans, and salsa. As a substitution for a tortilla, I used butter lettuce (which is my new favorite thing, btw). Then I layered everything on my "tortilla" and rolled! So this dinner idea ended up being delicious! Next time though, I will definitely use two pieces of the butter lettuce because my faux-burrito kind of feel apart, since it's obviously not as sturdy as a real flour tortilla.
Let me know if you tried and liked this healthy dinner idea!💚 Last night some of my friends from school and I thought it was free ice cream day at Haagen Dazs, and when we found out we got the date wrong (it's May 10th if you want to go!) we were super disappointed, but went to starbucks happy hour instead (this week drinks were half hour from I think 4-5). Then we went to Ginger's apartment, and I had the best time ever. We just had fun and watched cartoons like we were little kids and didn't even worry about getting embarrassed. Then we went on her terrace and made music videos that were so much fun. It was a rainy day, but Chloe insisted on playing the ukulele outside;) We had dinner and laughed so much, my stomach hurt. The way we all hung out last night, was the hangouts I wished for when I was in middle school; no drama, just fun. My friends in middle school weren't very good friends at all, and I never really had a blast spending time with them, for they just stayed on their phones and FaceTimed other people/gossiped about them (super rude). I'm not used to having school friends who actually make me feel better about myself instead of putting me down. It's such a nice change to have friends who make you enjoy school and that also actually act their age. This was all Dechen's idea!!!! (Middle) I've also learned that you shouldn't be partial to just your group of friends. Just this year, I started realizing that last year there were so many more people I had things in common with, who I've only now have gotten to know. (Shoutout to the Booty Toes & Ming😙). Those are the people I wish I would have hung out with in middle school, not the people I thought were "cool". Middle school also made me realize that you should never feel like you're stuck with a group of friends; you can always make new ones no matter how late in the game you are. It's also never too late to reconnect with old friends down the road, because even if you ended on a bad note, maturity changes people. I am figuring out this whole friend thing as I go along, but right now I think I am finally doing okay.💛
Something a lot of people don't know about me is that I song write when I have the time. I took a break from it for a while because it frustrated me. I don't play any instruments (except for a little piano), so it can be very hard. Basically, I used to love it and then I realized I sucked, so I just stopped. I recently got back into it though, because even if I don't play an instrument, I can still make myself useful and write lyrics. I've only been song writing for about a year. Before last Sunday, I had only written songs in that entire week (a few written with my best friend-who's-basically-my-sister, Jade). This week I have written . I don't really know what came over me, but honestly `doing my research on Prince was a key factor. Learning that he was such a prolific song writer and that he would write hits in a matter of hours really inspired me. So almost every night this week, I took advantage of not having school and stayed up until almost 1:00 every night writing. (I usually had coffee in the early evening so it would keep me up). The first songs you begin writing are obviously not guaranteed to be hits, which I most definitely learned this week. I pushed through the sucky ones though, and didn't let them discourage me. As i've been writing more and more I have realized that i've begun to noticeably improve. It's very hard for me to write about real stuff in my life, but I've broken through that wall this week. (You're going to say "Of course it's hard to write about your own life, you're only 14!", but there is stuff to write about, trust me. Everyone has their stuff). I have finally learned how to put my own feelings and experiences into words, which never came easy. That is also another reason I think I have improved. Song writing is definitely something I want to continue as I grow, whether it's selling songs or actually recording them. Though some I think I will just keep for myself. All in all, I'm really happy that I've rediscovered one of my passions. Just thought I'd share that with you guys.
One of my best friends, Victoria Panzella, wanted to have a fun city day with me over our spring break this week. (She goes to school in Staten Island and I go to school in Manhattan). Victoria aspires to be a professional photographer, so this was a great opportunity to take some photos for her new Instagram account. (Click here to follow it). So we dropped by my school and took cool pictures in front of Lincoln Center. It was really sunny out and the lighting was perfect. We ate lunch and then walked around central park; climbed the rocks and explored. Victoria took great photos along the way, even getting decent headshot's for me that I was prepared to use. (You don't understand, I take the WORST headshot's. I always come out looking like a distant cousin of Chewbacca). She probably took over 400 pictures, and we were so excited to put them on her new account. Towards the end of the day, we went through the photos's and I deleted one photo of me.
ONE. PHOTO. The camera went wack, and completely froze. We turned it off and back on again and 600 photos were deleted from the chip. Thankfully, every photo before that day had already been backed up to Victoria's computer. Unfortunately every single photo we took that day had been deleted. We were shocked and upset that-that happened; a day's worth of great pictures were all gone. However, after thinking it over, we both realized that almost the only thing we did all day was take photos. Sure, we had fun doing it, but did we ever really stop to enjoy the moment, or did we just document it? We agreed that it was the universe's way of telling us to look around and see what was actually happening all around us. Live for the moment, not for the memories. But of course, we did take one selfie. Maybe we should have stuck with only doing that from the start. I was shocked when I heard that Prince had died on Thursday. Someone told me in school and I thought it was a hoax. My mom always told me he was one of the greats; knowing how to play countless instruments and how to command a whole room when he was on stage. When I came home from school, we put on MTV and they played Prince videos and we even watched "Purple Rain". I didn't realize how many songs of his I knew. My mom always wanted to take my sister and I to see him, but we never got tickets. She told me about when she got to see him perform at the MTV 10 Year Anniversary party. Here's what she said: "It was a very hot night and I had tickets to see an unusual concert line up of Alice In Chains, 3rd base, LL Cool J and Fishbone at The Academy theater in NYC (which is no longer there). Unfortunately that was also the night of the MTV 10th Anniversary party which was for employees only. Prince was putting on a private concert for our party. The concert at the Academy was being taped for a concert series called ABC In Concert. I went to the show. It was awesome. All 4 acts were amazing. You wouldn't think the audience for such different performers would mesh, but it was a great show and everybody had a great time. Shows like that don't happen anymore. I got out late and I was sweaty and exhausted but I decided to head over to the MTV party to see if I could still catch the Prince performance. I was a huge fan of Prince's earlier work and of course Purple Rain, but wasn't crazy about the new stuff he had put out at that time. Still, I had always heard about what an amazing performer he was and didn't want to miss out on seeing him perform in such a small intimate environment. All I have to say is thank god I went. I got there just in time to see his set. He performed for about an hour and he was nothing short of amazing. To this day I have never seen an artist perform the way he did. The only way I can describe it is as a religious experience. And a corny as that sounds that's the only way to describe someone who's been truly blessed by God with so many amazing gifts. Years later I was supposed to work on an MTV Prince project at Paisley Park but had the flu. The MTV party was the only opportunity I ever had to see Prince perform" *The link to that concert my mom was at is at the end of the blog post. There is no video to Prince's performance at the MTV party.* These past few days I've watched so many videos and clips of him, and he was really such a respectable man. They said he wrote enough songs that there's enough to put out an album every year for the next 100 years, and more after that. It blows my mind that someone could have so many original thoughts and ideas while being an extraordinary performer at the same time. Prince gave us everything he had, and it makes me happy to know that people everywhere are cherishing his talent. I only hope one day to have a fraction of his talent. Thank you Prince. If you haven't seen anything from Prince or want to watch more of him, here are some of my favorite performances of his: Here's Prince performing with the word "slave" written on his face in the midst of a battle with his record company. Don't mind the drunk "celebrities" around him. If you want to see what real concerts used to be like. 👆
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Caroline MeadeMaking noise through multiple mediums since 2001. Archives
May 2020
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