Welcome to my life.
Junior year was the most high school-y year I have had so far. It was filled with laughter, adventure and an urge to constantly try new things. It truly could not have been more different then sophomore and freshmen year. I finally had all the things that I thought were supposed to make me feel confident and sometimes it did, but at points I had felt more insecure than I ever had in my whole life. There was so much joy and so much adventure, but if I had looked past myself and my own flaws, put them aside for every moment of fun and chaos, perhaps I would have been happier.
This year I started my own club: Jazz club. It brought me tremendous pride in making something great with my friends, especially because it was filled with so much love. Some people in the club come just to further their knowledge in jazz, and others actually want to pursue it as a career path. Personally, I just love it a lot. Jazz is the first thing since I was a little kid that I just loved to do, with no sight of a career to come out of it. At the end of the year we had a concert and a bunch of the musicians from my school that I was either friends with, worked with and/or admired came and it made me so happy that people I looked up to got to see what some of my friends and I did not because they had to, but because they just wanted to.
This year I also joined a new class called New Music, which is basically a student led (there’s a teacher obviously) songwriting class. I got to work with seniors who I had looked up to as musicians since I was in freshman year. Going into a class with such a “ready to work” and fun vibe was the highlight of my mornings every single morning. Every person in that class made me grow, and I cannot wait to see what these people do in the future. Fortunately, I got to perform two of my songs for the class shows, which was new and exciting. I had never shared my music with this group of people before, and the thought always scared me, considering the things they create. For some reason though, I felt sure of myself enough to share what I was working on and it was perceived well and sometimes it wasn’t! But that’s what happens. My motto is to always “grow from the no”. (I made that up when I was about 8 after going to broadway open calls chubby and too tall).
Between the after school rehearsals, and the nights practicing until I was sleepy, going to concerts, taking on so much I can’t breath, lazy evenings with friends in Central Park, moments I needed to be alone in a practice room, and performing with people I love, I could feel myself appreciating the moment and living through it all, but sometimes I wish I would have forgotten myself more.
I say this because looking back now, there were so many moments I felt were the end of the world because I had gained a pound or I had no ideas to write down or I had missed a day of working out or practicing. Overall, if I had treated myself the way I treat my friends, life would have been better.
A lot of my friends and acquaintances say that I’m such a positive person and that I really lift them up when they’re a mess and I wish I can say that I am able to do that for myself. (That’s another goal this year I suggest you take on! Treat yourself the way you treat your best friend!).
I think this is also the reason why I have barely written about my personal life on this website for about a year. I had trouble finding value in writing about myself, because I wasn’t always proud of the amount of progress I have made in my own health, happiness and art. However, I have done some self discovery (cheesy I know) this past spring and summer and I am learning to recognize what I can do to make myself happy because life is simply too short to beat yourself up every day.
I will still be funny if I am a pound over my goal weight.
I will still have friends if today is not the day I write a hit.
I will still be blessed with a family and my own health if my C# sounds a bit sour today.
We get better everyday and we’ll never be satisfied if we can’t recognize that, no matter the size of our progress.
There are so many things to be happy about and some times you don’t have to look for them, sometimes you just have to look past the bad and the right things will appear.
I say this because I want you (reader) to remember this in the coming school year.
I am going to have to remind myself of it everyday.
Especially going into senior year, I need to take it all in because everything is changing and it is going to change fast.
I believe that life is so beautiful, but only if you acknowledge it.
Have a wonderful year my friends💛
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Making noise through multiple mediums since 2001.